The day the music died...

Okay, so today was not the best of times for ah few. What is usually a relaxing day composed of eating out with friends, entertaining conversation, and light studying downtown in and around the UT area turned out to be one of the most unfortunate days I've had in quite some time. Black black black is the only crayon I can pull out of the box to colour my day with.

Woke up this morning at around 9 to find out that my aunt was rushed to the Emergency Room just a few moments earlier because when she tried to get out of bed she collapsed and lost all feeling in certain parts of her body. I thought the worse: stroke, or at the least some sort of angina, but felt no fear. Naturally I had to immediately cancel all my plans and go with my mom and brother to the hospital to find out her condition and wait with her. Waited for over 3 hours (warpspeed fast considering I've had experiences of waiting at ERs for over 6hrs) and finally got to see the Doctor who diagnosed it as a severe inner ear infection. By the time the waiting was over, my aunt could walk on her own and was beginning to get back to normal so after the doctor she was presecribed medication, given 10 days off work, and released.

Afterwards we stopped off at McDonald's for a bite to eat while my aunt's prescription was filled. We had finished eating our slop and had all piled into the car when my mom spoke up and said "Why don't you go back into McDonald's and get a coffee for your brother?" Me, being the best big brother a sibling could ever have, went back in to fulfill the task at hand without question. As I was exiting the car, my mp3 player fell out of my pocket and found itself in the homicidal space between the car and the car door as I slammed the door shut. CRUNCH was what I heard. "SHITE" was all I could utter. I knew every painstakingly tiny detail of the event because I saw it all unfold before my eyes in slow motion. It was helpless, I couldn't do anything to prevent it's fall as though I perceived it in slow motion, it all occured quicker than lightning. As I opened the car door, my poor mp3 player fell lifelessly to the cold ground. I cupped it's crushed, mangled body in my hands, but whatever emotions I fleetingly felt now abandoned me: I felt nothing. I got up, like a machine, without letting any of the occupants of the car notice anything out of the extraordinary had happened, slipped the corpse into my jacket pocket, and went into McDonald's to buy my brother a cup of coffee. Strangely, I thought at least my mp3 player's sacrifice would give my brother happiness; the day, the music... died.

My last thought regarding my now departed mp3 player was that I'd get an iPod from the States sooner or later... Walden Galleria anyone? I haven't bought anything in a while, maybe that's why I'm not feeling anything in this consumerist society: People buy to feel right?

You might have been correct to assume the coffee made it home safely to my brother's belly, well... if it were any other day than today, you would have been right. After carefully escorting my aunt back into her house and making sure she was comfortable, my mom and I got back into the car hoping we could finally go home. Upon entering the car, my mother knocked the large coffee cup filled with steaming triple-triple goodness out of the cupholder and all over her car seat (and ass). FUCK?, was the only exclamation that could come out from my blank consciousness: it was all for naught. The only bright side was that our car seats are leather, so clean-up was relatively fast and easy. Whatever... I felt nothing. I just got out and cleant up the mess in the barren, frozen driveway as my mom went back into my aunt's house to change her pants. (Within Temptation's "Frozen" "Nemo" by Nightwish would be a fitting background song right about now)

Finally got home, back to my neighbourhood, checked the mail... to find out later that Mr. Rogers raped me, yet again. Perhaps being raped over and over, each and every month, by his huge monopoly of a cock has numbed me from a bit of the shock I should have felt. Not only is my bandwidth slashed to 60gbs/month but I found out for the most recent month we went over as well. You can guess how much that cost. FML, I don't even download anything but music while my coffee-loving brother watches a new movie everynight (and at least once a week forces me with his clingy-ness [coupled with threats of violence] to watch his kind of movies). Whatever.

Ambivalent, a shell of myself at times, why do I not feel emotions normally anymore? Was I just totally off today? I can write about it and express myself as if I do feel them but when I think about it... I don't. FUCK this sounds so emo, but its actually the complete opposite, its a plea to be more emotional for me, at least in these things. No matter how much I saturate this entry of my life with the black crayon, all I see is black. There is no hate, no love, no deep feelings attached to the colour. Its just another day, albeit extra bleak, passing by... and now most of my days will go on without a soundtrack, in complete silence.