Recently, I've been thinking a lot about the idea of Love, et al. No, not mothery-love, friend-love, puppy-love, or the love I have towards things I put in my mouth (i'm talking about Food, you perv. Also the strings attached to hoodies that I like to suck/chew on). And no, its not just because Matthew is horny but more along the lines of, I've had too much free time to ponder the issue of relationships. I'm pretty sure love, as an emotional/chemical/unconscious/conscious responce/feeling between two unrelated people exists, but... there are so many questions that surround its existence. Is love meant to be controlled, pursued vigourously and constantly through life? Or are we meant to sit back and let fate let love happen? ... Are we incomplete without it? Is it possible for humans to love others, unselfishly... eternally? Does love also exist within the capitalistic machines of the Disney corporation, Harlequin, and Hallmark? How about a universal good that has been tapped for its bounty by the likes of Tennyson, Shakespeare and Taylor Swift? Let us try and dabble in the shallows of these questions together my dears... so that we may never be alone or feel unloved!
Can "love" comes about from persons making a mechanical, conscious decision to start a relationship with another person? Is cruising the club scene, bar scene, library scene, church scene, broken social scene, etc. legitimate? Is one that comes about organically when one least expects it, better? Certain negative judgements often pop into my mind when I see couples that I think are together for reasons other than mutual adoration/devotion, am I a bad person? Can we put a price, value, label or even opinion on love? In my opinion I do not think we can, nor should we, but I can't seem to stop pondering that not all love is equal...
Though almost everyone is out looking for love, why is it still so rare to actually find it? I'd like to think that good intentioned people still outnumber those with ill-mannered ones, yet why are so many people unhappy, unsatisfied, and unfaithful? Is love, just a game... of "bluffin' with your muffin"?
I admit at times I can be quite Machiavellian, and think that I'd probably be more successful if I adopted fully the Prince's teaches, but would I be happy? In this instant-gratification, breakneck, backstabbing world, it probably is smarter to be more selfish and self-protective. But, I can't seem to let myself be that way, that... cold. Emotion always slips in somehow. In my own inner reflections, I've isolated the cause of the internal battle within me, boiling it down to a single contradiction: I am a bagful of insecurities (physical, mental emotional) and a vain person wrapped into one. To say it plainly, I'm messed-up! At times I'm an arrogant, egotistical narcissist and at others a weak, wounded and uber-cute fawn (like Bambi!). Is this the very nature of my essence or have I been nurtured into this living paradox. I believe I am capable of a great, satisfying, long-term love, and I don't want to blame my own problems on the external world. Sure, people play and are played and left heartbroken every single day but should I take the experiences and pains of others as my own? To bring the subject to Machiavelli himself (not Machiavellian), if people explored his writings and personality a bit deeper I think they would have discovered that he's actually quite a caring, realistic... and sensitive guy (I like him...).
I think I'm on the brink of love, and that at some point I will fall head first into it. This is partially why I'm writing this long, irrational, rambling blog entry that outlines a lot more questions and hardly any answers. I've laid out my thoughts here openly and honestly... a template for the discussion I want to participate in. I started this entry with many questions, now I beg your pardon to let me end with one as well: Should I let myself be smashed to bits on les falaises de l'amour?
7 types of people you will see at the CFA exams
13 years ago
恋してる。。。いいね？
ReplyDelete図書館や教会でいい人を見つけられる＊笑＊
you wrote about love matt?!?!?
ReplyDeleteyou seriously need to find something else to do
You can't put a price on love, but you can sure put a dowry on it. *zing*!
ReplyDeleteShould you let yourself be smashed to bits? Of course. When it comes to love, you dive head in, you don't dip your toe in the pool first. Just make sure it's the deep-end first.
is it something to be chased? Is it something to sit back for? What does it matter for you? Are the ones you care about worth it?
ReplyDeleteChickflicks and love stories are unrealistic visions. Yet perhaps its not impossible for happy endings to take place. They just do not play themselves out as they do in our heads. Afterall, its not like as if we've been properly educated on what makes a happy ending. The princess got saved by the prince, they got married, moved and had kids. THE END. Maybe happily ever after speculatively means that they watched their kids grow up, felt the bumps, and have always worked their problems out so that at the end, it was all a positive experience. THE END.
In our information aged culture, our ongoing push on boundaries to continue to be more liberal at each age has caused us to have shorter attention spans, destroyed our ability to be still, assumed that we no longer need mentors, and whatever else you may factor in the erosion of traditional values that we may attribute to the "good old days."It is in my view that with so many buzzing things around us, our lack of appropriately defined 'principles' when it comes to relating to people, lack of imparting life knowledge to others; that we are in a worse time to be in relationships. So many variables around us. The people we want to be with, ourselves, your workplace that just transferred you to Yemen.
So what now? Are we all hopeless now? To be alone forever? Let's not focus on what we cannot do. We may all be broken, but we are all worth something. Its not someone else's job to fix you however. Two broken people cannnot make a whole. The funny thing is that though 2 broken people cannot come together, no matter what, human beings are a broken species, but I guess what I mean is the amount of brokenness. Think about why you aren't in a relationship. To be blunt, think about the faults you have and work on them. Life's a process, we're supposed to be always working towards maturity. Put pride away and humbly look at yourself. Too often I think people are just ignorant to the footprints they leave in life.
As for when to fall, this is not something I feel like I am unable to adequately advise others on this. But with what I seem to have preached, when you are right with yourself and others, see stars, but are still able to think clearly for yourself; maybe that's the time.
trouble finding the right lady eh?
ReplyDeleteum... sorta?
ReplyDeleteyou have many girls around, why is it hard for you?
ReplyDeleteToo many questions Chimko. Stop thinking and dive head first. I'll throw in the life saver if you drown.
ReplyDeleteMatt.... 遅いよ。。。新しいポストはどこ？？？
ReplyDeletewhat happened to the hot ass girl pic?
ReplyDelete