Leaving on a JET Plane

First of all, I apologise for the lame-ness of my blog entry's title, but for me it conjures up much more deeper meaning since the original song by John Denver has been a part of me since my childhood and now I feel as though its also something that represents me leaving all the comforts of my childhood and my current life for something somewhere that is completely foreign to me. I know this song is definitely going to be the soundtrack playing in my mind on July 31st when I'm at the airport finally un-numbing to feel the emotions behind those heartfelt farewells with family. For those of you not in the know, I am departing at the end of the month on a minimum one year journey on the Japanese Exchange and Teaching Programme. 

*Disclaimer - This blog entry is rough and quite personal so I apologise in advance for the amount of sentences starting with "I"*

 

John Denver's "Leaving on a Jet Plane" 

My relationship with the JET Programme has been complicated. Initially, I was to depart last year but due to "unforeseen circumstances" that I will forgo repeating here, because 1) too long 2) too difficult, I was unable to fulfill my duties with them and had to drop out at the last minute. It was hard for me to admit at first, but in this year that I've spent here, unemployed and such, not being able to go has actually provided experiences and knowledge to deepen understanding, friendships, and sides of myself that I feel as though I'm ready now more than ever to take benefit from my Japan adventure. I'd like to spend a moment here to thank everyone who has been a part of my life this year. I've taken away so much from everyone and these pieces of you I will carry with me to Japan and beyond. 

I have a lot of frayed and loose ends here to tie up before I leave, and its overwhelming me. I'd like to give everyone I care for an adequate amount of time in the right kind of situation for farewells but I feel as though balancing responsibilities to family, friends, and myself is a daunting task that I don't have enough time to do properly in my last two weeks here. I'm not the kind of person who wants a huge going away party with everyone and anyone I've known in attendance. Intimacy and comfort is something I crave in my relationships and ultimately those are the two elements which I struggle to achieve whenever I hang or chill with friends. Hopefully I won't have to plan every single occasion for my last fourteen days here, as I don't think I have the excess brainpower to manage these types of events when I'm concentrating on issues of starting a whole new life up in an entirely different country.

So here, I'd like to take the time to informally apologise to my friends. Most of you probably think I'm withdrawing from my Canadian life or already cutting you out, but please know this: I think of you all almost constantly and I'm never going to let you go from my life whether here or in Japan. If you feel (if you feel it, I definitely feel it too) we don't have the proper amount of time to just delight one other in each other's company please remember there are such things as skype (username: matthewchimko), msn/email, and something I'd appreciate even more: old fashion letter writing (I'd love to see your penmanship - my address will be posted here after I get it and if you write me, I'll always write back... like a Japanese Santa Claus!). Also remember that this is not a permanent move (Though I'm not promising anything here as I've learned, this year especially, to never rule anything out haha) and that I will return here to Toronto someday to continue schooling and/or work on a career.

I'm leaving on a JET plane. Don't know when I'll be back again. Oh babe, I have to go... Lamely, but truly, I have to go. Consciously I realised a few weeks ago that one of the main reasons why I applied for the JET Programme is that I feel too at ease in the circumstances I am in now. With comfort comes stagnation, and a lot of boredom. I've probably come as far as I can in Toronto for now. I've found out who I am and can be here and now I have, not just want, to go. I need to see if I can be myself somewhere completely new. 

 

"I like to fly a whole lot... the only aspect of flying that I don't like is when you have to leave somebody that you care for a great deal and leave home and go out on the road" - John Denver. I'm experiencing, though perhaps not fully yet, the wrath of emotions that John Denver must have felt when he was leaving. But, as with the song, hopefully when I'm at my journey's end, you will all still be here with me, and perhaps  I'll have as great a song inspired by my adventures as he did (yeah right, and no wedding ring haha). If not a great song, perhaps a great blog? Yes, I'll still be updating when I'm in Japan, so please stay tuned and...

No goodbyes please :)