I Know What I Will Do This Summer

This morning I was awakened. I awoke to crippling pains all over my body and a dense fog outside my window. Yet figuratively, this morning it was as if the fog had been lifted on my self-conscious. I can see clearly now.

There will be no more flirting with the idea,  I now know for sure what is right for me. It's funny how everything I've been thinking, planning, and to some extent doing all came together yesterday night in a bubbling pot of greasy, meaty, and "fated" shabu shabu date with my family.

For the first time in a long while I was presented with the opportunity (moreso obligation) to eat conspicuously large volumes of red meat and guess what? I hated it. Every slice of that malignantly marbled meat made my body feel morbid and malicious. Consciously I made the decision to consume less meat and opt instead for more vegetables and mushrooms. Yet paradoxically, with every tiny slice of meat I ate I could feel myself becoming unconscious; uncaring to and unable to control what I put in my body. Not only a meat coma, but a mental one as well. I realized that consuming meat for me was a mindless activity, akin to it being an Alzheimer's of the appetite. Meat made me forsake my values about nutrition, living consciously, and being in tune with the environment. I was going against everything I stood for or felt since I was a child. I lost who I was.

Shabu shabu proved telling as it was not only mentally anguishing when ingesting meat but also physically painful when it came to digesting it. Uncomfortable would be an understatement, and its not as though I over-ate or stuffed myself silly because of the all-you-can-eat aspect of it. My body, since coming back from Japan has unlearned its need for meat and when confronted with it again, my body saw it as something foreign and not natural. I always knew certain foods, and people especially, could be toxic. Why didn't I apply my philosophy to meat? Perhaps it was because I never felt meat's toxicity on such an onerous level before.

Coincidentally, my long-awaited hold for a certain book at the library also came last night, a foretelling omen for my destined dinner. However, it wasn't until after the dinner, after my physical appetite was destroyed, did I get the chance to read it. What is an omen's purpose but to be neglected until its too late? Never before have I had such a strong appetite for knowledge while suffering from food coma. Alicia Silverstone's "The Kind Diet", although (ironically?) written as though she really is her character from Clueless, spoke to me. I always knew I wasn't alone in my thoughts, but now I have it in writing. Perhaps you may be thinking that I've gone completely hippy, or at the very least bonkers, but I'd suggest anyone who has an interest in food, a love for animals and living consciously at least flirt with/flip through this book.

The slaughter of animals is killing my soul. Killing who I am. It is for this reason that I'm choosing to become vegan. Again, you may be thinking: "the transformation is complete"; Hell, he's gay, he's always striving (perhaps painfully) to be different, becoming vegan was just the next step. Well, first of all you're probably right, as in some of my attempts to be different I have become quite obvious. However, everything I do, I do because it feels right for me personally. This is not a prescription I'd write for anyone else. I'm hoping to ease into this transition, which is why I'm giving myself a realistic timeline. I am hoping to complete the transformation by the end of the summer as I'm assuming cutting out meat and dairy might be a bit difficult, especially the latter. Everyone who knows me knows I love my yogurt (frozen and Greek) and my cheeses. But as I said before I've flirted with the idea before and whenever I have ate vegan it has always felt good: physically, mentally, and spiritually. This time, it feels right.

"To eat is a necessity, but to eat intelligently is an art" ~ Julia Childs