Help! I'm Becoming a Gardening Nazi?

I wrote this today, in response to the ambivalence and general laziness developing in my neighbourhood. I plan on passing these on to the homes I find have neglected their duties as residents of Grand Cornell. Hopefully this elicits some sort of positive response as passively leading by example has completely failed. In other news, I think I like being a passive-aggressive bitch. 

Dear Valued Home Owner,


We hope this letter finds you well. Unfortunately, it has come to many peoples’ attentions that your lawn and garden have devolved into a state of disrepair. Out of respect to your freedom of choice, we have avoided speaking directly to you on this subject. Please take this as a piece of friendly advice from your friendly neighbours to start caring for your lawn and garden. Dandelions, other various weeds, and a general untidiness are not a welcome sight to behold on our fair streets. Bad habits spread like dandelions. In fact, one unruly house can distract from the entire street’s beauty. Remember, Individual actions combine to create a community’s character. What kind of character do you want your area to have?

Cornell and Grand Cornell, as a community, have been designed in such a way as to emphasize the front exteriors of every home. There are no ugly oversized garage doors or driveways to take away from the view of your beautiful home or to distract you from talking to your neighbours. As such, the front yard aesthetics of your house is of extreme importance. Please take this into account as if tending to a lawn or garden were not in your mind when you purchased this house, perhaps its best for you to reconsider areas or house-living in general.

If you need help in your lawn, please don’t hesitate asking your neighbours. We are all willing to help!

Thank You